Self-love has to do with taking actions towards things that are inherently good for one's well-being. To love oneself is to treat our 'self' like we would treat a best friend or a very special date.
Everyone is worthy of love and deserves to be appreciated. Some are luckier than others to of grown up in environments where they were nurtured and reminded constantly of their inherent value from parents who were able to respond to their developmental needs. At a certain point, we must learn to love ourselves and enhance our own self-esteem.
I have a set of five properties that encompass all of the elements situated for self-love. This list is not necessarily meant to be exhaustive but more of a framework to fall back on when we are at loss for what to do with ourselves. We can always fall back on the properties self-love.
In 2004, Harry G. Frankfurt published a book called 'The Reasons of Love' where he discusses how one ought to act to live a good life. He covers topics of what it means to care about something, loving others and more importantly, the meaning of self-love. Below, I have excerpted some specific parts of his writings that are relevant to the principle I am advocating.
A person shows that [they] loves [themself]...by protecting and advancing what [they] take to be [their] own interests, even when doing so frustrates desires by which [they are] powerfully moved but that threaten to divert [them] from that goal. (Frankfurt 2004, RoL 79)
Frankfurt discusses if we truly love ourselves, we must subordinate feelings and desires for values and goals that are more important. Sometimes we may have to give up things in the present for future goals. If we are able to understand, compose and be aware of a sound hierarchy of values, see Revaluation of Values Tool, we can sort through feelings and desires that will either distract or enhance us from and to our most valued goals.
Someone who loves [themself] displays and demonstrates that love just by loving what [they] love. (Frankfurt 2004, RoL 85)
In the demands of the job market, it can be difficult for people to find time to do what they love. A lot of people give up what they truly love for the pursuit of income at any cost and hence lose an important factor in self-love. The trap of living to work and not working to live.
[One] loves [themself] by making a determined effort to understand what is fundamentally important to [them] - to become clear about what [they] love and what that love requires. (Frankfurt 2004, RoL 88)
There is a process of identity discovery involved in our development of self-awareness. We have to take time to learn what we like and dislike. Once we have discovered our identity we are then in a position to commit ourselves to what we love and begin the path of self-mastery.
If you are doing what you love, it is something you can do every day of your life and be fulfilled. Building your income and lifestyle around self-love will create a context where you find your Meaning and Purpose.
Love makes it possible...for us to engage wholeheartedly in activity that is meaningful...a desire to love...is simply a desire to be able to count on having meaning in our lives. (Frankfurt 2004, RoL 90)
Frankfurt's wisdom of creating meaning through pursuing what we love is only part of the process. We must look at the different elements of the self and enhance our well-being in each of those categories. The categories of self-love affect our well-being. If we properly attend and put effort into each of these categories, we will radiate fulfillment and satisfaction within our being and towards others.
Properties of Self-Love:
1. Physiological
We must be able to care for our bodies through nutrition, adequate sleep, physical safety, cardiovascular exercise, stretching, and some form of moderate weight lifting.
2. Emotional and Psychological
Developing our emotional intelligence to know the things that make us happy and being able to detect negative thoughts or patterns that are not good for our well-being or our Unity of Self. Unity of self, in its simplest form, is a sense of oneness we achieve when we reduce our cognitive dissonance through creating harmony with our attitudes and behaviours.
3. Intellectual and Rational
Having a sense of reason, developing our critical thinking skills and pursuing the kinds of knowledge that are in line with our passions or stages of life. Training critical thinking and reasoning is essential to understand which ideas are worth believing and how to evaluate arguments and evidence.
To pursue knowledge that is in line with our identity, we broaden and deepen our self-expression. Learning from previous masters, mistakes of others and our own weaknesses allows us to reach beyond to new levels of growth. If someone is passionate about a specific activity, taking the time to learn about that activity and develop their skill will bring forth more happiness, fulfillment and joy.
4. Social
Determining which people are supportive and nurturing towards you in the way that promotes the best of you to grow. It is important to surround oneself with other people that follow self-love themselves and support you in becoming the best kind of person you can be. Accepting others for their capacity to make mistakes but also being able to communicate their mistakes to them is of great value in a friend. A leader learns to accept people for their mistakes and guides them to learning from them. (See Friendship)
5. Ontological
What is your being and what do you want to become? Determine where you are now, and find the path in your life to becoming the person you identify with in the future. Learn to love your future self and take the steps towards a journey that will elicit the becoming of that person. Do not allow mistakes, obstructions, negative social judgement or hardship prevent you from becoming who you are. Love yourself, find others who love you, and take every step towards a being-becoming. (See Meaning and Purpose)
If these elements of self-love are followed, an individual's mental health can only increase.
AJ 7.2.18, 13.3.18, 29.5.18, 26.7.18, 27.3.20
Amazon Link to Frankfurt's 'the Reasons of Love':
https://www.amazon.ca/Reasons-Love-Harry-G-Frankfurt/dp/0691126240/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518163838&sr=1-1&keywords=9780691126241
ISBN: 9780691126241
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