In developing relationships with others, there will be times when conflict arises within ourselves and another, or between people. It can be helpful to use the google docs filing system mentioned in the Reflective Mind Map Tool to organize elements of our relationships with others.
The social report is a basic summary of the interaction, concerning any issues the person or you had, and goals to focus on for the future.
Sharing the document with the other person can be quite useful for when reflecting after a conflict, both parties can communicate over the transparency of each other's reports to understand each other's perspective and make progress towards solutions.
Steps in Creating a Social Report
1. Making Notes
If possible have a document program open and make notes during the conversation. Taking notes while discussing will ensure that all important information is recorded. Notes are very useful when one person is upset and not of sound mind. The person recording can empathetically listen to understand the meaning of the individual's emotions. The person writing is able to record information such that when the upset person is calm they can understand what they were attempting to communicate from a sound minded state.
2. Writing the Report
Often, one will not have a document program accessible during a conversation or may be inappropriate in the situation. It is best to write the report as soon as one has access to their smartphone or computer as to not forget any important information. The goal of the report is to record observations without any cognitive distortions or critical thinking errors on the listener's part.
3. Review for Critical Thinking and Cognitive Distortions
Review is an important editing step after the report has been written so that the individual writing the report can take responsibility for any mistakes, biases, distortions or reasoning issues before sharing the document with the other. Removing any biases in the form of harmful comments and replacing them with compassionate and loving alternatives is best.
If we are engaged in a conflict with another who is being hostile towards us, it can be difficult to uphold rational detachment and be empathetic towards them. Filtering our reports to offer more realistic understandings of what the other person is attempting to communicate ensures the quality of our report.
Ex 1: 'Jim is being an asshole right now!"
Ex 2: 'Jim is very angry and yelling at me. I think that he is upset about having a bad day at work and was triggered by me forgetting to do the dishes.'
4. Debriefing Report
Once the report has been written, both parties can communicate of the accuracy of the report and develop an action plan if necessary. Sometimes one person is upset about an external event and the listener simply provides the report for the individuals reflective purposes. Other times two will be in conflict and the probability of cognitive distortions and reduced critical thinking in the moment are high. The review stage is important to remove emotionally charged, hurtful statements.
5. Action Plan
Once all parties understand each other, they can cooperate to create an action plan to modify harmful habits, learn to communicate effectively, and correct mistakes that they or another has brought attention to.
Everyone has a learning curve for specific things and some things we are weak at. Being understanding and compassionate to each other's learning and supportive in the growth process will only accelerate positive change. We cannot expect problematic habits to change immediately and people may need reminders until they develop the awareness to detect the problem themselves.
The social reports can be very useful in resolving issues within relationships and attaining a deeper level of understanding others.
AJ 6.2.18, 14.3.18, 5.6.18, 26.7.18, 27.3.20
© Achilles Atlas Justice and achillesjustice.com, 2018-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Achilles Atlas Justice and achillesjustice.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Comments