An apology is a maintenance action for our relationships with others, an acknowledgement of our own mistakes and progress in our learning curve. If you recognize that you have made a mistake or if someone else identifies a mistake that you have made, to say that you are truly sorry would mean to change one's habits to not commit the act or behaviour again. Thus, one would prevent harming oneself or another from the same act and the change in behaviour truly means that they were sorry.
How can we say we are sorry if we keep repeating the thing that hurts ourselves or others?
There is a difference between being sorry for something one has done and feeling bad. Feeling bad, or having remorse, would be the beginning of the motivation for habit change. To be sorry has three components to it.
3 Properties of an Apology:
1. Identification of the Mistake
First the individual has to have some awareness that some wrongdoing has occurred. This stage largely has to do with acceptance and coming to terms with reality that they have acted in a way they would rather not.
2. Understanding of the Harm Caused
To truly recognize that something was a mistake, one needs to understand the extent of harm it caused or recognize the consequences of their actions. If one does not understand the cause and effect, this component will be lacking and the person will be at a loss for how their actions impact themselves and others.
3. Action Plan
A commitment to changing one's habits, attitudes, values, beliefs and or behaviour after acceptance and understanding of how the mistake is counter-productive, harmful or not in line with the Ethical Intimacy code. It does take time to learn and change habits, but through communication, self-awareness, willpower, and training we can make a difference.
Some mistakes cannot be undone, however the individual who has committed the mistake can learn from the experience and teach others to not follow in the same path.
If you are harmed by someone who is making mistakes and they follow the apology method outlined here, their change of character and commitment to becoming a better person shows that they truly care and value growth. What we all really want from someone who displays the human trait of making errors is to be accountable and responsible for those errors.
Life is growth. Only through learning from our mistakes can we move beyond our present limitations. One of the greatest self-harms one can commit is to not accept a mistake and repeat it again and again.
"An unreflected life is not worth living" (Plato 38a, the Apology)
One of the main things we can learn from Socrates, is that to repeat the same mistakes over and over is the opposite of a good life. To live a good life, we must be able to learn from our experiences, hence accept our mistakes.
AJ 7.2.18, 14.3.18, 26.7.18, 27.3.20
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